


Stay With Me

by agrove



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional pain, F/M, Sex, Songfic, sam smith song - Freeform, stay with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7860634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrove/pseuds/agrove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Casual sex was his forte but somewhere along the line it stopped being just physical and drifted into a much more grey area." Based off the song Stay With Me by Sam Smith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seven

**Author's Note:**

> This was painful to write for a number of reasons. It was originally supposed to be a one-shot, and can be read as such, but I decided to continue. The chapters will go in reverse from their 7th meeting (this chapter) all the way back to their 1st. Chapter titles are which times they met. This is OOC to a certain extent but it will come together if you're patient.

Lucifer collapsed onto the plum colored sheets and pulled them to his waist, chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath after this afternoons vigorous activities. His bedmate looked over and grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief, blonde hair splayed over the pillows. She was an animal in bed, the best shag by far and completely insatiable. This gorgeous creature defiled, desecrated, and devoured him whenever the opportunity arose and he was all too willing to allow it. They had been up in the penthouse for over an hour and she finally looked sated, skin glowing and face flushed.

Just as he reached for her a phone rang and she rolled away from him to lean over the edge of the bed to find and answer it. He knew what was coming next and he pulled his unnoticed hand back and stuck his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling and focusing on schooling his features. This was how it seemed to go every time; they'd have a lull in the case and she would drive them to his home, drag him upstairs, and have her wicked way with him only to leave a short time later when her phone would ring or it would get too late.

"That was Dan, he's got a suspect."

It wasn't supposed to happen like this, not even close. Casual sex was his forte but somewhere along the line it stopped being just physical and drifted into a much more grey area. The first time had been after a long case and instead of driving all the way to her home she had decided to stay with him. Both of them were to blame for that one, neither really trying to stop it when lips met and hands wandered, clothing disappearing and cries of ecstasy echoing off the walls. She had been everything he could have every imagined, smooth skin and ample features, just the right amount of naughty and innocence. It had been amazing but the next morning when he woke she had been gone and when he walked into the station to meet her it was as if it never happened.

The second time had been solely on Chloe. The Douche had upset her, undercutting her authority at a crime scene and making disparaging remarks to her afterwards. Pulling up to Lux he had frowned in confusion but figured she had her reasoning and walked with her to the elevator. The second the doors had closed she had been on him, hot kisses peppering his neck and hands jerkily unclasping his belt and pulling his shirt out of his pants. They hadn't made it to the bed, instead settling for the couch and before he could even catch his breath she had redressed and left.

And then came the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time and he began to notice the pattern. When something happened she didn't like she'd take out all her frustrations and emotions on him, essentially using him as a therapeutic fuck toy. It wasn't like he wasn't getting anything out of it, the sex was unparalleled, but every time when she left it felt like she took a little bit more of him with her.

Emotions were never supposed to become involved but somewhere between the third and fourth time something changed. It was suddenly harder to let her go, harder to ignore her no kissing rule, harder to resist pulling her to him afterwards. He was supposed to be in control of himself, of everything around him, yet he was drowning when it came to sex with Chloe Decker and it wasn't a good look. The yearning had become so bad that the last time he had taken a chance and outright asked, "Stay with me?"

She had laughed.

Unsure exactly how to handle this since it had never happened before he had stayed quiet after that, keeping his thoughts to himself and giving her what she wanted. Was it love? He had no idea, as he didn't even know what it felt like to love a romantic partner, but it was clear to see she didn't see it as anything more than a fuck. Deep down he knew this would never work but when he was inside her he could pretend it would, that they could actually be happy together, perhaps try to have a future. That with time she might learn to love him.

He watched her redress, pulling her underwear up her tan legs and slipping her shirt over her head, wiggling her hips into her jeans and combing her fingers through her hair. Her phone beeped and she lifted it from the nightstand to look at it, a small smile appearing on her lips. Probably Daniel. They had decided to try again, not only for their child but because they were still married and held out hope for their relationship. It had cut so unbelievably deep to here her explaining it to him yet he had stared straight ahead, pushing down the raw pain filling him.

And then she had shown up today while he was reading in the library and after jerking him painfully by the arm to the bedroom had proceeded to milk him for everything he had. Metaphorically of course considering he was barely able to get off with how rough she had been. He liked pain, that was a given, but not all the time and today he had been entirely too relaxed and comfortable at home to be prepared for hurricane Chloe. Glancing down at his stomach he could see the bright red scratches, the small bruises over his chest and could feel the sting of the marks on his back and on his soul. Since getting back together with her ex he was officially the other man, the sordid secret. He was being used solely for sexual gratification and because he hated himself so much he allowed it simply because he'd rather have her like this than not at all.

"You ok? You look pretty mopey for someone that just got laid," she smirked as she slid her phone into her back pocket and grabbed her keys.

Unable to muster a smile he softly answered, "Fine da- Detective." When he had called her darling after the second time he had been scolded, told that pet names would turn this into something it wasn't.

"I'll swing by if we get a break in the case," she shouted from the living room, already on the way out.

His eyes drifted back to the ceiling, his body unmoving and beginning to ache from the abuse it had suffered today. He knew he should tell her this wasn't working, that she needed to decide if she wanted Dan or him because she couldn't have both but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What if she was angry? She could end their partnership completely leaving him with nothing, not any way to see her at all and he needed her. It wasn't even a want anymore but a basic need like food and air.

Lifting his head and pulling his arms down he covered his face with his hands and sighed shakily because the next time she showed up he wouldn't say a word. He'd let her use him, let her fuck him, let her do whatever she wanted to him because he didn't know how to survive without her.

And he'd rather die next to her than apart.


	2. Four

Lucifer watched in fascination as the woman on top of him unraveled, biting tightly into her bottom lip and arching her back, the smooth column of her neck visible as she let her head fall. It was too much, the beauty of her, the feeling of her quivering around him, and with a small aborted breath he followed her into bliss. Unfortunately it was short lived, just like the last three times, because she climbed off of him and settled on the other side of the bed before his afterglow had even begun.

His dark onyx eyes traced the outlines of her body, the curve of her breasts and the soft lines of her legs. She was stunning, and not just physically. The woman was witty and intelligent, her mind and humor just as remarkable and arousing as the dimples on her lower back and slender waist. He wanted to know this body head to toe; every scar, every dip, every curve because if there was ever a body worth knowing it was this one.

Unthinkingly he reached out and placed a hand on her thigh, wanting to caress her smooth skin when he could fully appreciate it instead of during sex when the one goal was to get her to peak. Despite them not seeing the sun as often the skin was still a rich honey color and felt like the softest silk imaginable. His thumb moved of its own accord, back and forth over the small freckle he had noticed the second time she had come over.

"Stop."

Her small hand wrapped around his larger one but not in a display of affection, never that, but to toss it carelessly off of her. She cast her irritated green eyes upon him and he recoiled, looking properly chastised. He just wanted to touch her so badly and he knew she didn't want to be touched after sex because then it was real. Then there was something there, something deeper but what she failed to see was that it was already there for him. It had hit him like a freight train only last week, the realization that he cared so deeply and wanted more with Chloe almost bringing him to his knees. He wanted to say something, anything, but had no idea how she would take it. Most likely not well if earlier was any indication.

Though Chloe finished on top they had started with her underneath him, hands wrapped around his biceps, nails biting into his skin. It had been a knee jerk reaction when he looked down at her perfectly parted pink lips to try to taste them. They had never kissed and he didn't realize how much he missed it during intercourse until it wasn't there. You would think the intimacy would come from joined hips but it came from the face; the expressions, the sounds, the eyes, and of course the connection and honesty of a kiss. She had turned her head away and when he temporarily stopped his movements in hurt and surprise she had huffed in annoyance and rolled them over to take the lead, to distance herself as much as possible from the man underneath her.

It felt colder after that, both inside and out, and his arousal waned but only in his head, his basic biology not allowing his inner turmoil to affect him physically. She was enjoying her self and he wanted to join her but it almost felt like he wasn't welcome to, that this was for her and only her so he stayed complacent and let her do what she wanted.

Emotions were so messy and unneeded and he tried valiantly to push them from his mind and focus on the physical pleasure, the pressure around him every time she rolled her hips slowly and firmly, sending jolts of ecstasy through him. She opened her mouth and he stared longingly, everything in him wanting to hear his name roll of her tongue and tumble from her lips but she never said his name in bed. Who knew if she was even seeing him and not imagining herself with another?

His heart began to pound when she shifted towards the edge of the bed and knowing if he didn't ask he'd hate himself more than he already did he timidly asked, "Stay with me?"

The Devil wasn't a cuddler, at least historically so, but he did like the contact after sex, the feeling of a warm body against his own to provide comfort and security. He was denied it with this woman, her stating it was just sex and that she had to get going. His needs were never acknowledged and eventually he began to believe that they he didn't deserve them to be. It was confirmed that he wasn't important enough when she outright laughed.

"Someone's needy today."

She wasn't wrong, he was being needy and he didn't like it but he couldn't seem to get past it. What he needed was to be in control of himself like he always had been but Chloe Decker had a way about her that knocked his walls down and for the life of him he couldn't build them back up against her. This human woman had made him feel and want things he never had before, since before the dawn of time and the universe was so cruel that the one thing he cared for didn't care back.

The worst thing about all this was that now both had to redress and get back to work, acting like they hadn't just fornicated for the past half hour. While Chloe grabbed her clothes and got right to work he moved more slowly, trying to figure out exactly what was happening and where this could possibly go. If he shared that he wanted more would she laugh again or would it fix this- whatever it was? His hands were trembling as he tried and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, a strange feeling of vulnerability blanketing him when he looked up and found her staring at him. As soon as their eyes met he cast his away, feeling small under her gaze, and put his attention on tucking in his shirt and buckling his belt.

"Come on, hurry up."

He did as told, increasing his pace and grabbing his jacket to follow her out. The elevator ride would be quiet like it seemed to be after every transgression of theirs and the walk to the car would be filled with an awkwardness that shouldn't be there and then they would get in the car and it would be normal again. The banter, the jokes, the light flirting.

Maybe this is what a relationship was and he was simply oblivious, had a skewed preconceived notion that it was something else that was filled with entire days spent in bed and easy touches with no consequences. Maybe this was what he had always wanted and he just didn't see it yet, didn't see that sleeping with Chloe was Heaven.

But deep down he knew this wasn't Heaven, this was Hell.


	3. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you want to know what's going on, why Chloe's acting this way and her behavior will be explained, though not excused, in the final chapter. Also I know this is a hard read, I wrote it as such. I want you to be uncomfortable; to feel anger, emptiness, and dread right along with Lucifer. I want to evoke emotion.

This time was different than the first yet he couldn’t quite figure out why. Chloe was on top of him, which he was more than fine with, but he rather liked her writhering underneath him like their first time together, trapped and subjected to more pleasure than she thought she could handle. He was so close, trying valiantly to wait for her and as soon as she shuddered, leaned over and bit down on his collar bone he followed, hands on the very base of her spine to hold her closer, to make it last longer for both of them. It had taken a while for her to peak and while some men might view that as a knock to their performance Lucifer took it as a challenge, a woman that _needed _to be conquered. A thin sheen of sweat covered his entire body and he let his lids fall as he tried to catch his breath, slow his pounding heart, and get control over himself. The pleasant weight on his hips vanished yet he paid it no heed, she’d be back next to him in a moment.__

Or not.

The elevator doors sounded and his eyes shot open, propping himself up on his elbows to see her standing inside as if nothing had happened and then the doors slid closed and she was gone. He had no idea what had just happened, which was obvious when you took in the fact he was lying on the couch on his back with his feet dangling off the side, pants and underwear around his ankles. It was surprising and if he was being honest with himself a little hurtful. No he wasn’t an overly emotional being but leaving immediately after sex? Even the Devil wasn’t that mean. With a heavy sigh he fell back and stared at the ceiling.

Today had been _different _than he was used to. As soon as the elevator doors slid closed on their way up she had placed her small hands on his chest and shoved him roughly against the back wall, her lips painting his skin with hot pants and wet kisses, fingers grasping the navy fabric of his shirt and yanking it from the confines of his pants. The actions were welcome, as any affections from this women were, but it was such a contrast from last time. He almost told her to slow down but he knew that wouldn’t be well received after the Douche had repeatedly upset her today in front of her peers. His belt was released and when the doors opened to the penthouse he was tugged by the arms to the couch and shoved down. It was mildly uncomfortable, not knowing what he was allowed to do, wondering where he could put his hands to not get that terrible glare from her.__

He was the Devil, he did what he wanted and no human was going to take that from him. With steady hands he yanked her shirt over her head and tried to pull her down closer but she all but shoved him away, instead grabbing his pants and underwear and shimmying them down before mounting him without preamble. It was so sudden that he was unprepared and barely caught her before she fell off the couch when he jerked his hips.

A smile played on his lips but quickly fell when she didn’t seem to find the humor in it, instead beginning to ride him roughly, nails gouging his thighs uncomfortably. He couldn’t even get leverage from this position and was forced to just lie here, taking the brunt of her aggression and frustrations from the day. Her language was obscene, her movements angry, and he knew she was thinking about the man who made her feel so small today.

It occurred to him only a short time later that this wasn’t about them, or him, but about her. He was just the tool for her to use, not an actual participant and the thought of being used shouldn’t have bothered him, after all he had done it to countless bodies, but this time the burden felt heavier. Did all the people in his bed feel this way? He doubted it, he always made sure that the act included everyone in the room and that pleasure was guaranteed for all participants. 

This was going too quickly, would end before it had really even truly begun, and he grabbed her hips to slow her movements, to tell her there wasn’t a need to rush. “Darling-“

“Don’t call me that.”

The words were simple but the voice was so hard, such a low hiss, that his hands flew from her flesh as if burned, mouth snapping shut. It didn’t seem to faze her but for him it was unexpected and he found it difficult to find his rhythm again so he let her completely take over, seeing as she already was. He had always used pet names for his bedmates, he even used them on Chloe in their day-to-day interactions, but apparently they weren’t welcome when locked together and blanketed by arousal.

Sex had never been so uncomfortable, he wasn’t allowed to kiss, to touch most skin, to use any sort of pet names so he simply lied there and curled his fingers into his palms to keep them from seeking out forbidden spots. Since looking hadn’t been banned yet he took in the small details he had missed their first go-round, like the beauty mark under her left breast and the small freckle on her right thing.

Figuring he should get up for fear of anyone finding him so out of sorts he spun upright and slid his clothing up his legs and over his hips, finally standing and fixing them. He felt wrong, almost dirty and he didn’t like it. Sex had never felt anything like whatever that had been yet when the doors slid open he still smiled at the sight of the blonde, hoping perhaps she had come back to stay.

“We’ve got another case.”

Work. Of course it was. At least the small amount of dignity he still had after today was preserved since he had already redressed himself. With eyes cast downward he followed her, wondering what he was doing and where this was going.

Nowhere good.


	4. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their very first meeting, the one that started it all. Next chapter will be their most recent 9th meeting and will have Chloe's explanation.

Bliss and contentment vanished the moment Lucifer blindly reached across the bed and was only met with cold sheets instead of a warm body. He could have looked around the penthouse for a note, _something _, but he knew there would be nothing. She had left without a word or a single trace, the only evidence she had even been here the faint sent of her skin still lingering on the pillows and the soreness in his bones. He kept his eyes closed, wishing he could go back to the feeling of happiness that had been so short lived, could remain ignorant just a little bit longer.__

Last night hadn't been planned, it just happened against all odds. There was only minimal alcohol involved so there were no excuses to grab onto to, to hurl at the other to try to dismiss this, to hide behind. The first touch had been from the other willing participant, her hand caressing his cheek and sliding to the back of his neck before he leaned in. Their lips never met, her guiding him away twice before he took the hint and kept his attention on her neck and chest, eventually moving down her flat stomach and the lines of her hips.

Her hands had teased his skin as she removed layers, nails gently scraping, leaving gooseflesh in their wake. It wasn't fast paced and it hadn't been frantic, instead it had been drawn out and exploratory, filled with smiles and soft breaths. The clothes had disappeared before they made it to the bed, the blonde wrapped around him and dragging her tongue over the hollow of his throat. He didn't know why but he had hesitated before entering her warmth, meeting her eyes, not so much asking for permission but making sure they both knew that things would change after this moment. There was no going back to the before after tonight. For the first time in his long existence he had cared about the after, had briefly thought of the consequences both good and bad.

The world had melted away, everything vanishing except the woman underneath him overpowering every sense. His head swirled, eyes glazing at this human pulling him down closer, nibbling on his earlobe. Sex was sex; a simple physical act to find pleasure but this was so much more than he had anticipated. It was overwhelming, the mischievous glint in her mint eyes, the way her teeth bit into her bottom lip, the silkiness of her skin, the smell of her perfume.

She had sobbed after her fourth peak, the pleasure too much to handle, it blurring with pain as her body betrayed her, begging for more. He dragged it out, stretching her thinly, wanting to ruin every single person she had ever been with or would ever be with, erase them from her memory, burn himself into her mind and on to her skin.

"Please," she had whispered brokenly, heels digging into the small of his back, pupils blown and sharp pants on her lips.

It had been the sweetest thing he had ever heard, the object of his affections, his _obsession _, bending to his will but the Devil was not a merciful being. By the time the detective had reached her final peak she hadn't been able to move much. Her weak arms pulled him to her and cradled his head to her chest as he filled her with warmth, hands tangled in her hair, elbows digging into the bed to keep him from crushing her. They had stayed like that for some time until her eyes had begun to close, a smile on her lips, and he pulled her to him after scooting over. He had fallen asleep with Chloe Decker in his arms.__

But that had been last night, and now under the harsh light of day she had vanished. Women and men had disappeared from his bed before but it never felt like this did, never made him feel cold and hollow, unwanted and betrayed. He was an excellent judge of character and there was no doubt Chloe had simply needed to leave, no she had left because she _wanted _to.__

Yesterday had been emotionally charged for both, the case they had poured themselves over for the past three weeks coming to a head. By the time they were done it was dark and late and with the penthouse being closer they had retired to the luxurious loft and given in to the temptation that had been lingering for weeks. Something in the back of his head, something that had never been there had whispered to him to stop, that only pain could come of this but the voice had been quieted by a smirking mouth sucking on his fingers one by one.

No one had ever made him feel like he had last night. Had left him wanting _more _, had made _him _beg at times, had reduced him to a boneless mess. There was something different about her, something powerful, and he had felt himself yield to her and though he tried to fight it he couldn't stop. She was in control and even though she had pleaded, he was the one waiting for her words, waiting for her to tell him what she wanted.____

He had prepared himself for this but found his version of prepared and the actual thing were vastly different. There had been a large chance she would panic, would run, would try to call it a mistake but her actually doing it had made his chest heavy in the worst way. What was it about her that made her able to resist him and why did it make him want her that much more?

Pulling himself up he walked to the bathroom and showered, knowing there would likely be another case soon since humans loved to harm each other, the wretchedness they blamed on him already in their souls. The water cascaded down his skin and he watched it fall to the ground and down the drain, carrying with it any traces of last night. A sinking feeling that this would never happen again made his gut coil and he wished hard for this to happen again.

No one had ever taught the Devil to be careful what he wished for.


	5. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, Chloe's explanation. As I said before, not an excuse, but an explanation. I wrote and rewrote this chapter over and over trying to figure out how I wanted to end this. To appease all of you, to stay true to the story, to give myself the ending I wanted. This wasn't it, but the original will never be seen and I feel this was the better option. Being honest here I'm glad this is over, is was just as draining to write as it was for all of you to read.

He couldn't do this much longer, his sanity and soul wouldn't allow it despite his low-self esteem and body refusing to give it up. Her voice had rang out, filling the room and echoing back, the sound reverberating inside his head. Her chest heaved, eyes slid closed, and a wide smile appeared on her lips, her face the picture of perfection as she gasped and panted, movements never stopping. She had gotten what she wanted, as always, but this time was worse than ever before. Without warning she rolled off of him and grabbed her clothes, ignoring his wide-eyed stare. It was only when she was ready to leave a moment later she offered a quick explanation.

"I really have to get home. You can finish right?"

And with that she was gone, leaving him painfully hard and completely unsatisfied. Not that it was truly fulfilling any time they met but this was something else entirely. She hadn't hesitated at all which was the undeniable proof that she really didn't care in the slightest. Pathetic is what he felt but the worst thing is how used he felt, how broken. Sex had always been about the pleasure but now he was almost afraid of it. It hurt in so many ways that he was essentially a callboy, nothing more. His feeling didn't matter, his hurt didn't matter, his pain didn't matter.

Trying to ignore the ache in his gut from the feeling of pressure that he didn't feel like fixing he rolled onto his side but winced and rolled back to his original position when pain sparked in his shoulder. It wasn't just the emotional pain any more but physical. If he didn't know better he'd say she wanted to hurt him. A bruise surrounded by teeth marks sat at the top of his shoulder from her pushing the boundaries, wanting to see how much she could get away with and how much he would allow. He would allow all of it because he finally realized he loved her, that the reason he was allowing this was because he could finally name the feeling.

The night had started out so well, almost like it used to be before the catalyst. She had spent the evening with him, sharing drinks and joining him on the piano bench, speaking about nothing in particular, leading him into a false sense of comfort. It had been everything he wanted, just being near her, getting to make her laugh and watch her almost shy movements. This was what he wanted, to enjoy her and she him. He wanted to show that he could offer her more than just a temporary release from her everyday life. And then like all the other times something changed. One moment it was him teaching her notes on the keys and the next she had shoved him off the bench and onto the floor before mounting him and shoving her hand into his slacks to get him ready for her.

The elevator doors slid back open, the noise hitting him and he buried himself deeper under the covers, not wanting Maze to see how he had allowed a mere human to damage him so badly. A familiar scent caught his attention and his eyes snapped open to see Chloe searching for something. She smiled triumphantly when she grabbed her phone from the floor behind the nightstand and stepped back.

"Forgot this."

He had to say something. Anything. Had to save himself while there was still something left to save.

"This was the last time," he managed to get out, his voice only cracking once.

"For what? Sex?" She laughed at the absurdity of it, at his _joke _.__

Under the covers he refused to make eye contact, needing to not look at her beautiful face that he might not see again after this. It was hard to swallow, his throat dry but he still answered, "Yes." He had expected the anger but it still hurt, still made him flinch.

"Is this because I didn't get you there?"

She didn't get it and probably never would, had no idea what she was doing. The Devil wasn't some mighty being, he wasn't immune to physical or emotional pain. He was fragile after being rejected by his father, weak after being away from Heaven for eons, broken after being used by her. But he didn't know how to say this, put it into words so he didn't. He stayed quiet and closed his eyes again, for the first time just wanting her gone. Maze was supposed to protect him from threats both noticed and unseen yet the most threatening thing of all still stood here and his demon was nowhere to be found. Despite the fact he could tell she was standing there he kept his eyes closed, trying to close himself off from the world, create a barrier between himself and this human.

"Are you ok?"

He once again snapped his worn red-rimmed eyes open because she had never asked that before and he couldn't stop the unease when she climbed onto the bed and laid on top of the covers facing him only a foot away. It was silent and his eyes moved of their own accord to meet hers. Neither spoke and he could see she almost seemed to be looking for something, searching yet he had no idea for what. He watched her raise her hand and he tensed, unsure of what was to come and stilled when she pulled the covers back a bit and traced the bite mark with her finger. Gooseflesh prickled at his skin and he watched her face curiously when her hands trailed over the redness.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

Because _I love you _didn't seem to be a good response, at least he didn't think so, he went with the safer reply.__

"Because it's you."

It was just as good as saying it he supposed because her eyes flew to his, fearful and filled with something he couldn't identify. He had no idea what was happening or what was going to and he refused to even entertain the idea she reciprocated even a fraction of his feelings because every time she built him up she knocked him down, harder than before. The soft feeling of her hand on his cheek was so foreign that he shied away, retreating to the opposite side of the bed, as far away as he could get without leaving it and sat up.

"Hate's easier than love."

He didn't understand and his blank stare made it obvious. She looked like she wanted to move closer but refrained, instead biting her bottom lip and matching his seated position.

"It's easier to hate you, to hurt you. To not let you close. To leave before-"

A shaky exhale met his ears as he listened, holding his breath but for what he didn't know.

"To leave before I do something stupid like kiss you. Or stay. Or tell you that I cry every time I leave you because I know I'm hurting you. Tell you how much I love you. "

She was crying silently now but he moved no closer, fearful of misunderstanding what she was saying even though she had spelt it out for him.

"I tried not to, tried to go back to Dan. Tried to make you hate me, tell me to leave, but you never did."

Her tears fell to the blanket, the drops of pain ignored.

"Now you're as damaged as I am. Do you finally hate me?"

And of course the answer was no because he could never hate her. Regardless of her actions in the bedroom she made his existence brighter, made him smile and laugh and show him how amazing humans could really be. He scooted only a bit closer, a sign to the other in his bed that he was open but unwilling to go further literally and figuratively for fear of getting hurt, again. She moved closer to him, almost touching, noses only an inch apart and did what he thought would never happen. She kissed him. It was timid, shaky, and tasted like the salt from her tears but it was also comforting, honest, and the connection he had wanted since the beginning. It lasted only a second before she pulled away and licked her lips, looking unsure and asked the single question that had been on his mind every single time.

"Stay with me?"


End file.
